The Next Frontier

When I started this blog I had finally learned some basic makeup skills and the gospel of Everlane. I feel like I have lady self-presentation pretty much down. Except for washing my hair or styling my hair, because . . . ugh. I leave that challenge for another day.

Because of my natural affinity for cooking and a compulsive need to put things in their proper place, I’ve never felt much anxiety about my domestic cred. But I now realize I’ve left an entire category of lady skillz unstudied: it is time to tackle INTERIOR DESIGN!

Much like clothes and makeup, this skill requires capital. I now have some capital, so let’s furnish!

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My first principle is to use as little Ikea as possible. The plant stand and the coffee table are from Ikea, BUT the coffee table is actually one of the bedside tables until I find the mid-century modern coffee table of my dreams. St. Louis is basically the mid-century modern antique capital so this is totally doable. Ikea is The Land of Compromise. Don’t give in! I have decided to simply live without basic essentials rather than acquire more Ikea. The couch and the chair are West Elm on sale. West Elm is like Everlane: it gives confidence to the aesthetically challenged. The end tables are from a local antique mall.

Because I am new to this, I followed my basic bitch principle: do not try to be an individual. So I asked the internet, “what do basic bitches use for decor?” and the internet told me “succulents.”

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These cost $2 and are decor gold. The Ikea plant stand is the Everlane Oxford shoe of interior decor, everyone should own it. Apparently basic bitches also buy these weird framed quotes to hang on the wall that say things like:

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But I have enough self-respect to leave well enough alone. I will have bare walls until I figure out a way to decorate them without inspirational calligraphy.

My next principle is  to GO SLOW. If I can’t afford a dresser or book shelves, just don’t have them! I sent every single book I own to my new office (see, capital of every kind is essential to home decorating), and got one of those hanging closet organizers to replace the dresser. I feel like it goes unsaid that I already Kondo’d all my stuff before moving in. Duh.

So my bedroom looks like American Psycho.

The kitchen doesn’t need decor, so that’s a relief. But the dining room table is also Ikea. So really, I guess half of my stuff is Ikea. Le sigh. Also, I’m experimenting with buying flowers for myself. And I think I really like it.

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Any suggestions are welcome!

-D

Go/Watch/Buy

We failed to go on vacation, so instead we really dedicated ourselves to culture vulturing. Here’s what rose to the top:

  1. Small Mouth Sounds at The Signature Theater. I know, this is a play in NYC, which means you might not be able to see it. But . . . sometimes people come to NYC and see really dumb theater because nobody ever suggested a good show to them. This is a play about a silent retreat. The physical comedy is genius.
  2. Hunt for the Wilderpeople

Not only will this satisfy your need for New Zealand landscape shots, this is that rare movie that is sweet without being twee, heartbreaking without being dark, and could actually be watched by a child (because nothing too bad happens!)

3. The Night Of is currently the only show than I care about (other than American Ninja Warrior). I could happily watch Riz Ahmed examine a spoon for hours. rizahmed-hero.jpg

4. SACKS! I love this brand No. 6 and their sales are really good. Super high quality sacks with perfect draping.

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-D

Listen/Watch/Buy

  1. The Podcast Who? Weekly. How did I get through the past ten years of my US Weekly subscription without this helpful guide? It answers the very basic question “who are these wierdos?” and “who is ‘us’?”
  2. Summer Shows: American Ninja Warrior (this is what MY America looks like), UnReal, Thirteen (a BBC thriller about an escaped abductee), Humans (the British cyborg drama from last year that nobody watched, catch up on Amazon), and of course I’m hate watching Roadies, which is so bad that I actually have to mute it during the monologues.  I’m also catching up with Legend of Korra, which is now all up on Amazon.
  3. I’m living my best pajamas-as-clothes life because I finally bought my machine-washable silk culottes, which you can’t buy because they’re sold out. But you can buy this amazing hat if you act quick (it is also about to sell out). Culottes and hat-D.

A Fantasy of Less

This is some work in-progress from my current project on contemporary asceticism.

goop offers a fantasy of less. This minimalist utopia celebrates consumption and beauty, but also imparts sensations of pain and loss. Ascetic consumption offers women images of homes and bodies untethered to the piles of stuff that seem to accrue to surfaces. With less, objects move with ease and the consumer moves with ease through their consumption. goop’s fantasy of less participates in a broader discourse of domestic asceticism that ritualizes disposal, selects a well-curated wardrobe, and mitigates immobilizing materiality. Alongside Marie Kondo’s best-selling book The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up and the threat of “hoarding” (promoted by TLC’s show Hoarders), goop contributes to an anxiety of objects overwhelming the home and pinning down the inhabitant in a literal and psychological burial. Also see: capsule wardrobes, the brand Stowaway, and Andrea Zittel.

goop’s editors model the necessary pain of domestic purging. In “The Lean Closet,” the editors write, “Everyone knows the value of a good closet purge, but very few of us have the necessary hard heart to part with items that often have sentimental value—or worse, cost a lot of money, yet still carry their tags with the promise of a ‘some day’ outfit.” Using goop’s typical martial language, the site’s fashion director Laurie Trott “is merciless” and “brutal.” Once “you’ve whittled down your closet to the bare essentials . . . Focus on quality, not quantity.” The first step of having less is overcoming the fearful attachment we have to our clothes. As Susan Lepselter points out in her study of hoarding anxiety in the United States, hoarders contaminate “the boundaries between things and unmanaged sentiment” (2011: 925). goop suggests using Marie Kondo’s method: holding the object and asking if it “sparks joy,” and if it does not, thank it for its service and throw it out (Kondo 2014). Decontaminate the border between humans and objects by speaking to an object like it’s a human, and then reject it. Through this painful process, tinged with cruelty towards the self and other, elimination reorders subject/object relations.

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As with goop’s lean closet, hoarding shows ritualize the purge, in which the hoarder liberates her self from what Lepselter calls the “congealed meanings of objects that do not circulate” (2011: 942). A “freshen up of the closet” propels clothes into piles of “what to toss, what to sell, what to store, what to keep.” For this process goop’s organizational expert suggests allocating “a realistic amount of time for editing thoroughly (a minimum of 2 hours). Real editing involves trying things on and going through a lot of items. You don’t want to have to run out to your appointment halfway through and lose your clearing out momentum.” The ritualized purge initiates a continuous circulation of objects, but the momentum must begin in the ritual. Purging the closet, like a good colonic, gets matter moving.

In closet purging, acquisition comes quickly on elimination’s heels with a list of “Marie Kondo-proof” clothes (most sold in the goop store) that will eventually allow you to stop acquiring disposable clothes. Gwyneth, in an early newsletter, called these clothes part of a “uniform” and demonstrates how to build a weekly set of outfits from a few key pieces. Gwyneth explained, “I want clothes that move easily from a winter’s morning making pancakes to the school run to a meeting to homework to a dinner party. These are the basics I am wearing right now for easy, fuss-free dressing. I’ve paired the basics together for three very different but wearable outfits that can be amended for any occasion.” These items protect the wearer through their limited rearrangements, holding a woman in check against the chaotic force of abundance. Once again martial language demonstrates the boundary work these limited and limiting garments do on behalf of a woman: “When it comes to closet linchpins, we believe in investing in staples that are relentless and hard-working, that can pull together even the most discordant of outfits.” The minimal and durable uniform becomes armor, protecting from within and without, doing the work of organization on the woman’s behalf.

Having few clothes and little food is a kind of poverty, and thus the modern ascetic comes into awkward juxtaposition with poverty as a socio-economic condition through sensations of scarcity. In 2015 Gwyneth attempted to bring attention to the issue of poverty through eating on a food stamp budget. Gwyneth’s public “food stamp challenge,” in such close proximity to the detoxes promoted by her website, affirmed the difference between spiritual detox and the banal absence of food. Gwyneth informed her readers that families on food stamps receive as little as $24.40 to spend on groceries. She provided a list of the products she purchased on this budget and special recipes for using those products (recipes that looked eerily similar to detox recipes with the absence of meat, dairy, and sugar). She then gave herself a “C-“ on the challenge. “As I suspected, we only made it through about four days, when I personally broke and had some chicken and fresh vegetables (and in full transparency, half a bag of black licorice).” Had she not trained for years to live on inadequate calorie budgets? Were the recipes she developed not delicious? And when she mused, “I know hunger doesn’t always touch us all directly,” how could she ignore the hunger of detoxing that she had promoted for years? Many critics accused Gwyneth of being “out of touch” and “tone deaf” in her attempt to do the challenge, her inability to stick with it, and in patronizing those on food stamps by providing food-stamp budget recipes that met her organic, “whole food” standards. But the food stamp challenge controversy clarified the meaning of depletion as a spiritual practice, even if it did not clarify how elite ascetics should approach the poor. goop sells asceticism as a practice for those who have too much—thus the fantasy of “less” and the attendant practices of purging and limiting do not have the same power for those who start out with too little.

-D

Nasal Labial Folds

 

Hot & Flashy 1) understands science 2) is beautiful 3) named her channel Hot & Flashy. I think she deserves our respect and attention.

Hot & Flashy has also explained to me that Vitamin C is so unstable that it will go bad in three months even if it is properly packaged. Thankfully H&F has found the CHEAPEST source for Vitamin C so you can actually afford to buy it on a three month rotation. Use her code HF5OFF for $5 off. I just bought some, so I’ll update you soon.

I once admitted to C. that I judged the older ladies on Youtube. I respected the entrepreneurship and smooth eye bags of the younger ladies, but the older ones seemed like self-involved weirdos. But H&F makes me see the error of my ways. Who better to dispense beauty advice than a gorgeous well-informed woman who says “nasal labial folds” in every video?

-D.

Read/Watch

  1. Even with UnReal’s return, summer is still a bit of a slow tv time. To fill this void I finally took up Willa Paskin’s suggestion from 2015 and watched the second season of Halt and Catch Fire. Do not watch the first season (maybe read the first paragraph of the description on Wikipedia to get a sense of the premise). The second season focuses on women in the 1980’s tech world. It’s like Silicon Valley but with women. The music, tone, and energetic plot make it a great summer treat (too many dour shows these days with grim-dark plots). Also it is on Netflix! So no commercials!
  2. Eligible. This retelling of Pride and Prejudice in contemporary Cincinnati keeps all the social commentary of Austin’s version, adds some sex, and unfolds in really short chapters. Sittenfeld is an A+ author who dabbles in low-brow content. I wish there were more authors who could do this.
  3. L’amour et la Musique

Her videos have risen to Vivianna-level status. I think she is actually skillful at applying makeup in a way that is cool and not overdone. But more importantly, I’m a little confounded by her as a human. She doesn’t do this professionally (which makes me like her more). But then why does she do it? She has a PhD from Brown and a BA from University of Chicago, and as with Natalia Petrzela, I observe her speech patterns and interests with self-hating voyeurism. Is she me? Am I her? How much dumb stuff can a smart woman put out into the universe before it reflects poorly on her? I’m asking for a friend.

Happy Summer!

-D

Outlander Update

So the France story arc is finally over, and we can all let out that sigh of relief.

Things the France story arc could have been:

-An opportunity to explore the difference between sexual mores in different parts of eighteenth-century Europe. This was really as close as we got:

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-An opportunity to explore how marriage changes Jamie and Claire’s hot relationship.

-Brocade! Okay, there was some good brocade. In particular that brown suit Claire wore during her Captain Randall encounter.

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The irregular embroidery! The yellow on brown! But there should have been more of this.

Unfortunately France turned out to be a place for Jamie to process his rape and Claire to be a grumpy pregnant lady. If you thought this show couldn’t take any more rape, you were wrong! It just kept coming. On top of all that, Claire made us spend time thinking about the mechanics of time travel and what she could and could not change. You are not Dr. Who! Time travel math will never work well on this show. So, France was an official bummer.

So let’s spend a second exploring the great bikini wax conundrum that really was the best thing in the entire first seven episodes of season two.

So bikini waxing, apparently a thing in 18th century France. But Claire is from 1940s England, so when she dabbles in bikini waxing she is actually trying a trend from the future! If all seven episodes had been Jamie’s reactions to this development it would have been a better seven episodes.

-D

 

 

 

 

 

Best Stuff

Zoodler:

I bought mine for 8 bucks at the grocery store. I am a proud zoodler. If you want to be a terrible human being, drop your zoodles in boiling salted water for 30 seconds and then top with sauce (picture on right). If you want to be a happy person, drop zoodles into the already boiling real noodles for their last 30 seconds, top with lots of parm.

Simple Micellar Water:

If there was one thing I could force every human to buy, it would be this stuff. Even if you don’t wear makeup, you need this because nothing is more satisfying than wiping off your morning eye crud with this stuff on a cotton pad. I have the most irritated dry eyes in the history of the world, and this stuff (even more than eye drops) keeps them feeling good. It is also great for washing your face when you can’t deal with splashing water on yourself, and it is the most effective eye makeup remover I have ever used. It is mostly glycerin, so even if you just wipe your face with it in the morning you are getting the first level of hydration.

Rituals Heavenly Hammam Bath Oil

I take more baths than showers (because standing feels overwhelming sometimes). My primary problem with most bath products is that they dry out my skin and leave my tub dangerously dirty and slippy. This for some reason does not scuz up the bath and leaves your skin moisturized. It also has eucalyptus, which is my favorite smell.

BareMinerals Mineral Foundation (matte/fair):

The only makeup that looks better throughout the day. Pro tip: don’t buff it into your skin. Stamp it into your skin with the Sephora mineral brush.

Elf Brushes (the black ones):

These brushes cost $3 at Target and they are as good as any expensive synthetic brush. Get them all, and in multiples in case you don’t wash your brushes often enough.

Paula’s Choice Resist Hyaluronic Acid Booster

I can’t afford this. But boy does it work.

Everlane Loafers:

They require breaking in/professional stretching in the toe bed, but that’s the price you pay for flattering pointy toes.

Zara bag:

A black hole of a work bag. I love that it is plastic (it is easy to wipe off). I really really want a Lo & Sons bag, but until I can justify buying a $300 work bag, this is a great option.

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-D

 

 

 

 

Werk Songs

Do you need to run for 20 minutes on a dumb stupid treadmill?

You need these three essential songs!

  1. Hands to Myself- Selena Gomez
  2. Work from Home-Fifth Harmony

  1. Love Myself-Hailee Steinfeld

 

-D.

Baby TV

A friend of the blog (which means one of our 5 readers), is about to give birth. My understanding of modern motherhood is that you spend a lot of time with a baby on your boob and your iPad propped on a pillow. So, with the massive caveat that I don’t know what it’s like to have a baby, here is what I am recommending for some tv binging (she asked, so I’m doing my best).

Here are my criteria:

lots of episode (I assume you are tired and can’t go through the emotional labor of starting a new show too often)

really good but not so good that it is stressful/existentially overwhelming

  1. Shows your husband might watch with you:

Silicon Valley/Catastrophe/Game of Thrones (is it luck that these are coming back just as you are giving birth, or FATE?)

Better Call Saul (less stressful than Breaking Bad, and I want to have Jimmy’s babies)

Battlestar Galactica (even if you have already seen it, you probably can’t remember what happened since it came out like 15 years ago).

2. I have friends, I definitely have friends shows (I hear motherhood can be lonely):

Golden Girls (this does not seem to be streaming anywhere, but this might be the moment to invest in a box set)

Call the Midwife (I think if I was pregnant I would like the feeling of kinship with working class British women who are also having babies)

Cheers (on Netflix, and man this show holds up)

Playing House (also about having babies and renewed for a season 3!)

 

 

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