Balancing the Apollonian and the Dionysian

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As we enter the season of self-castigation and shame spirals, I have two goals: finish all these really fancy chocolate gift boxes and consume a lot of raw kale. In the hopes of raising my smoothie game to the amazing standards set by my chocolate producer, La Maison Du Chocolat, I have several principles that need to be reiterated:

1. the motor of your pulverizing device is huge and can actually heat up what it is blending, so having something frozen in there (whether it is ice or fruit) really helps keep it cool. And the frozen stuff helps the texture.

2. Start with greens like spinach and work your way up to kale. Spinach is mild and soft.

3. Limit the amount of fruit you put in and forget juice altogether or you are going to consume too much sugar.

4. Almond milk (unsweetened) is the perfect smoothie liquid because it has little taste or calories and yet is creamy. Coconut water is also good.

RECIPES

the orange creamsicle:

3 clementines (or one seedless orange), 1 c. almond milk, 1/2 c. water (really good with some vanilla protein powder)

the orange chocolate shake:
1/2 c. spinach, 3 clementines, half a banana, 1 tbs. almond butter, 2 tbs. cocoa powder, almond milk

the green smoothie:
1 cup kale (with stem removed), 1 apple (peeled, apple skin is bizarrely the toughest thing to pulverize), coconut water, an inch of peeled fresh ginger, half a squeezed lemon and ice

The color of sadness smoothie:
1 cup kale, 1/2 c. frozen blueberries, 1 Tbs. almond butter, 1 cup. almond milk

And remember, a bowl of popcorn with some truffle oil and grated pecorino is a legitimate meal, a smoothie is not! Smoothies are like the leggings of food, they are not the pants of food.

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