D.’s 2014 Resolutions

I love that because of LoH I can check my resolutions from last year. I did okay. I definitely walked a ton more because a. I stopped having two jobs and b. I signed up for Classpass which means I walk for 45 min. a day to get to and from my fitness classes. But the real lesson here is that working less for the same amount of money makes your life better. The dirty secret of self-improvement is that everyone who makes less than $40,000 a year would be happier if they made more money. Done, the end.

My other resolution was to wear more winged eyeliner. I have totally failed on this front because winged eyeliner is THE hardest. But, 2014 was the year I learned how to contour and that is good enough for me.

So in the spirit of LoH’s endless quest for self perfection (with reasonable qualifiers about the limitations of self reform in the long shadow of The Man), here are my 2015 resolutions:

1. I will put on clothes everyday. For many of you this might seem obvious, but I spend many days in my pajamas or in workout clothes. The workout clothes one is really pernicious, because it easy to feel like you got dressed when you have changed out of your pajamas and into a new outfit. But for the sake of my marriage, my dignity, and the cause of women everywhere, I commit to wearing a zipper or button everyday.

2. I will commit to dealing with my hair at least once a month. I don’t mean get a full-on haircut because those cost a million dollars. But even if it means walking into the terrifying russian barbershop (or the even more intimidating black barbershop in my neighborhood) to get my duck-tail trimmed once a month, I will do it. Because nothing makes me feel worse than ugly hair compounded by the feeling that I will have to wait for three months for it to be less ugly.

No resolutions for fitness or food because those are mostly self-hating. Also everyone eats healthier once Christmas ends anyway.

Oh also, 2014 is the year I discovered the power of glitter nail polish. This is not about looking professional, ladylike, or sexy. It is about having an ombre glitter spectacle on your hands to look at all day. So, more of that!

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-D

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