Things That Are Making Me Happy

1. Edith Wharton’s House of Mirth: the Real Housewives of New York set in 1880. As read by Emma Messenger on audiobook while I walk around 19th century streets of Brooklyn.

2. The Cast Recordings of Nashville: if you sit there waiting for Juliette to sing when you watch the show (and there has not been enough of that this season), do yourself a solid and buy all three available records. No stupid Teddy here!

3. Actual Country Music: inspired by my passion for the Nashville soundtrack I thought “hey, I don’t want to be one of those NPR liberals who only listens to country when Connie Britton is involved,” so I bought Miranda Lambert and Kacey Musgraves’ most recent albums and man, they deliver.

4. Deawood: only I, during a good TV tsunami would need extra TV. But hey, it is important to always have a backup when you have already watched all your Games of Thrones and Mad Mens. This show is also really hitting my late 19th century American history fetish sweet-spot. It is as good as everyone said it was AND it has the best women from House of Cards: Kim Dickens and Molly Parker.

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5. Finally, I have a new boyfriend:


I am only more impressed by the sweetness and precision of Zach Wood’s performance on Silicon Valley after hearing him on Marc Maron’s WTF. He is not the same person as his character, which sadly is not true of my old boyfriend Martin Starr.


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Secrets of Your Face

I feel like I have spent most of my life looking at other women and wondering “WHY?” and “HOW?”

Why is your hair shiny and smooth?

How did you make your skin look like spun gold?

Recently, thanks to Beauty Youtube (the first truly demystifying beauty resource), some of these questions have been answered.

First, pretty ladies curl their eyelashes.


I held off from buying one of these torture contraptions because A) it seemed like a hoax and B) all the Youtube ladies said the fancy ones are significantly better.

But then I realized that the fancy ones (Kevin Aucoin, Chanel, Shu Umera) are still $20 or less. Part of lady maturity is realizing that anything that “works” under $20 is a steal. So I bought the Shu Umera ones, and WOW WOW WOW: I finally have eyelashes. When I wear mascara it actually makes my eyelashes look twice as long and it makes the mascara go on more evenly. I even use it when I’m not wearing mascara.

Second, “Beauty Blenders.”


These mysterious small orbs are for applying foundation, tinted moisturizers, concealer etc. You soak it in water, squeeze it out, and then use it to pat the base into your skin. There is a version of this called “The Beauty Blender,” but there is a less expensive version called “The Complexion Sponge” and it is pretty great and it costs $6. There is quite a bit of debate on the internet about whether it is as good as the BB. But hey, the BB costs $20 (which according to my “mature lady” maxim makes it worth it), so why not try both? I bought the Complexion Sponge and if the BB is better than this, then sign me up. Because the cheap one is AMAZING. It makes your foundation look natural, erases pores, and smoothes over the dry patches where your foundation gets wonky. Plus, nothing feels better than bouncing a cool damp sponge all over your face. Also, if your foundation gets weird in the afternoon, a damp beauty blender “rearranges” the foundation (and powder!) from the creases and lines that your foundation fell into.


About the Outlander Spanking Scene

Congratulations to all of us, Outlander is back!

Caitriona Balfe Sam Heughan Grant O'Rourke

My life was a desolate wasteland during the hiatus, but the mid-season premiere has revived me.

Also Jamie hit Claire and feminist internet lost it.

To summarize, Claire did a stupid dangerous thing, it put people’s lives at risk, so Jamie had to whip her with his belt in order “to teach her a lesson.” He is a sensitive guy, so he was sad about having to do it. But after she struggled and was like “hell no,” he got pissed off and was like “I didn’t say I wouldn’t enjoy it.” At which point he enjoyed it. Claire then punished him with death eyes and sleeping on the floor for a long time.

This is, of course, bad. So why did it not feel bad?

The spanking scene was an amazing nod to the audience of modern lady feminists who love this show, and who vicariously feel the primitive eroticism of Claire’s non-modern love affair. But you know what you get with non-modern guys? Stupid rules about hitting women who have misbehaved. I love that the show is forcing its audience to reckon with the historical authenticity of their own (and Claire’s) desire. You like kilt wearing thugs? Well, they didn’t go to Sarah Lawrence.


Eyebrows are the Drapes to Your Soul Windows

If even this lady–haver of amazing eyebrows–needs three brow products, we should all take note. I am also on a three brow product regime lately.

Spooli–that thing you brush your brows with. It is essential for making any brow product (powder, pencil, gel) look natural. Word on the street is that you can just buy a stand alone one, but I use the one on the end of my Anastasia Brow Wiz (Try Medium Brown–the ashiest of all the colors–unless you are a true brunette or a true red head).

Pencil–I love the Blonde version of the one this pretty lady is using (Revlon Brow Fantasy), but the pencil lasts me a month, so you might as well spend the money for the Anastasia. Also the gel side of the Brow Fantasy is pants.

Gel–For true wild eyebrow hair taming you essentially need a mascara for your brows. My parent who has crazy eyebrow hairs swears by MAC for this level of hold. Word on the Beauty Youtubes is that the new L’Oreal Brow Stylist gel also holds like crunchy, but effective glue.

For medium crazy brow hairs the Anastasia Brow Gel, the Benefit Gimme Brow, and the Maybelline Brow Drama, and the Bobbi Brown Brow Gel are great and have the added benefit of working as a one step brow solution on busy days. Only the Anastasia has a broad color range out of all these, but both shades of the Benefit are pretty ashy (in Brow Culture ASHY is close to holiness).

And one more thing: STOP PLUCKING/WAXING YOUR BROWS. Your eye caterpillars are your greatest asset.


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